Uh, uh, uh, uh, Aaaah!

Thank God for the fucking Kills!!! I would not be surviving this day without them! I awoke today at 3:33 am and it's my 33rd birthday. If that wasn't a poetic omen of how the day would go, then I don't know what would be.

So far I've gotten the crappiest email ever from my twin sister (it simply read happy birthday- I mean not even a capital in sight, let alone a damn exclamation mark) who also informed me the other day, "I'm not buying you a present for your birthday." Not our birthday - my birthday. Did I mention the stingy bitch is loaded and could certainly afford a little something. I'm not expecting a Prada bag and Tiffany earrings like her husband got her last year for her (not our) birthday, but ....something, anything (an ecard?) would be nice. Instead of CM, we call her DM for Douche Maloosh. It's not nearly as mean, but, she's family.

Also, things at my company are falling apart sooner than I expected. I was hoping it would last until I had my new life order planned out a little better. Guess I'm not that lucky. And my only subordinate quit today because we didn't pay her for the 3 hours she attended the Christmas party. Yeah, she works two days a week. Do part time employees anywhere get vacation pay??

Anyway, My Happy Birthday anthem is courtesy of The Kills. I have No Wow! and Midnight Boom on a loop on my iPod and I'm not turning it off until I'm getting down with the young drunk lovers.... or at least until I have a drink in my hand!

Also, a little shout out to my friend Niki who informed me I'm not in my mid thirties until I'm 34. Thanks - I really, really needed that. Now I can save the major freak out for next year - snark!

Cherry Christmas!!

I've been pretty bummed about the lack of snow in my neck of the woods this Christmas. I've also noticed there haven't been many good Christmas shows on TV either. I mean, it's pretty sad when a network's 25 Days of Christmas promotion features the movies Cars and The Incredible's.

One thing I haven't missed out on though is an amazing array of truly crappy displays of outdoor Christmas decorating. People are so un-inventive they just slap a giant blow-up Grinch, Santa, family of snowmen in their yard along with a few grids of net lighting and call it a day.

In my neighborhood there's one residence we all refer to as "the porch with a house on it" it's that disproportionate. They have one of those blow ups that's about as long as their house.... and it plays music. Loudly. They're a good 5 houses away from me, yet I can hear it from my front porch. Ahh, the joys of a white trash Christmas. Do I dare mention that some of CM's close relatives reside in that house? Yep, that's a fact! Would I shit you on Christmas?

As silly as that all is, I wanted highlight another house in my area. I have to drive by this house to get to mine and look forward to their holiday display every year. Each year it gets bigger and better. I can only describe it as an extravaganza, but in that so bad it's good kind of way. They work on it really hard, toiling for weeks before they ever hit the lights. I've often thought it looks as though a tornado dropped the entire Christmas isle of Big Lots on their yard and this is what they ended up with. This year I noticed several teddy bears made the cut. I don't know what that has to do with Christmas, but kudos to them for flexing their artistic muscles a little. I'll let you judge for yourself, just give your mind some time to really take it all in.


Here's a day shot, so you can see all the detail...

Here's one by night, so you can experience it in all it's glory.....

How great is that?!? In closing I urge you all to have a Cherry Christmas. All it takes are a few friends down at your local bar on Christmas Eve and enough cherry bombs to kill a horse. (TIP: If you offer to buy the whole jar, the bartender will usually cut you a deal.) I'm not saying I've ever had a Cherry Christmas, it might just be something of an urban legend/tradition amongst some of my friends

UPDATE: On Christmas night I totally got drunk with my brother and sister watching the aforementioned Cars and drinking Yuengling! It was the funnest Christmas I've had in a while.

Makes me hungry ...for the past.

Growing up I loved the show Land of the Lost. We used to watch re-runs on Saturdays while our Cookie Mom (that was my gram) made us fried bologna sandwiches.

I don't know that I hold out such high hopes with Will Ferrell playing the lead. I would say Dad, but from what I've read it looks like they've re-worked the relationships between the three main characters a bit.

I don't think I'll be rushing out to see this movie in the theaters or anything, but the Sleestacks look pretty accurate which is cool. Still, I can't help but belt out, "Laaand of the Looooost, La haaand of the Loooooossst!" all opera style anyway.

Hopefully they learned a lesson from the Jar-Jar debacle and that annoying little fuck Cha-Ka won't be showing up.

Riley Martin Loves Me!

While I don't consider myself religious - at all - I do worship at two altars. One is my favorite local bar where, yes everyone does know my name. The other is at the feet of Howard Stern. My day doesn't start off right without Howierd and the gang getting me going.

Today for example I didn't listen as to not wake Husband (he gets the day off - the nerve) and I totally forgot to put on mascara. Now I know that seems like a pretty inconsequential thing, but I l-o-v-e getting ready in the morning and take great pride in my look. Sephora is one of my favorite places on earth, and really for me that was a huge thing, like forgetting to put on socks.

Hey, some people drink coffee in the morning. Me, I listen to Howard Stern.

My buddy Steve is as obsessed as I am, as a matter of fact I wasn't always a fan of Steve and his rocking beard, but we bonded over The Stern Show. Steve's birthday is on January 6th (just 7 days after mine - wink) and I bought him the greatest birthday present ever. A Biaviian symbol hand crafted just for him by Mr. Riley Martin himself. For those of you who don't know, Riley was abducted by aliens in November of 1953 at the age of 7 and again when he was 18. During the second abduction he was given all the information of life and thousands of symbols were downloaded into his brain. These symbols would serve as a ticket of sorts for those who wished to go with the mothership when it returned. Total horse-shit I know, but that's the beauty of it.

It's not easy to order a symbol as a present. Because each one is unique to it's owner Riley requires a certain amount of information on each recipient. I needed to furnish Riley with Steve's full name, a picture, and a hand writing sample. I would need to place my order soon so I started collecting the tools required to proceed.

I was able to find out Steve's middle name through some subtle yet crafty bar conversation. Then he sent me a hilariously horrible picture of himself from bed one night after we had been out. Awesome, I had a recent picture and my plan was falling into place. The hand writing sample was going to be tricky though. I contemplated stealing a debit card receipt, I mean that was the only time I really ever saw him write anything, but then his finances would be off. Not a very friendly thing to do. I finally procured my sample by asking him to sign the CD leaflet from his old band's cd.

That was the hardest one of the three items to get. You see, Steve suffers from a misplaced sense of self confidence (his words) and he loves me so much mostly because he says I call him out on all his crap. It was very hard to act humble and ask him to sign that cd, really - it killed me. Although I do have to admit he's a very talented guitar player who also writes great songs. Still, I'm not really in the market for his autograph. But, I sucked it up because this was going to be the best birthday gift ever! .....and I'm really into birthdays.

I scanned the signature in and sent everything off to Riley. I also included my phone number per the sites request because sometimes Riley likes to contact people who are buying his symbols. Unfortunately, I was in a meeting with my boss when I got Riley's call. At first listen I though someone was screwing with me while doing a dead on Riley Martin impression. Then I remembered the symbol.

Riley's message was great, and I'm pretty sure he gave me his home phone number to call him back. (I could hear a tv in the background, and lets face it, he's not exactly a corporation) Yea, I totally stored his number in my communicators data base and I saved the message playing it for anyone who will listen. It was perfect, really drawn out and very wordy, in other words typical Riley.

I wish I could say that Riley and I had a great phone conversation, but it was spotty at best. When I called he answered almost immediately. I said hello and introduced myself. He called me 'my dear' a lot and said he was calling to ask if Steve's last name was English or Irish (it's neither).

I couldn't remember what nationality Steve is except that it's not Italian as I had originally thought. I think he's eastern European, his people are definitely from somewhere that produces unusually hairy men.

Shit. I panicked then lied and told Riley Steve was English. (I hope this little fib doesn't render Steve's passage to the mothership invalid.) Then Riley told me I was a thoughtful girl to give Steve a symbol before I even order one for myself.

This was a golden opportunity for a great Riley conversation. He is constantly complaining about his pitiful wage earned from Sirius for his weekly radio program. I was just discussing my salary with my boss, plus symbols are a bit pricey, even for original artwork.

This all would have segued nicely into how the man was keeping me down, how we were alike in that way. We could have chatted for hours. Instead I muttered, "well, I'll get there eventually" to which Riley chucked.

What's with the loss of words? Was I starstruck? Maybe I was shocked by the blatant sales pitch. Eventually, Riley ended the call. Not before he wished me and mine the happiest of holidays and told me he loved me. That's right he said, "I love you" and then paused. Again I was speechless, and I'm never speechless. Was I supposed to say it back? I suddenly felt like I was in was fifteen again. What do you do when a boy says he loves you? Apparently, I Panic. I got off the phone - quickly. And that was that. I always thought I was more a fight than flight kind of girl, but apparently when under pressure I'm a freeze.

Heroes rant now with 30% more rage!

I'm going to rant right now because Jesus Christ does Heroes fucking suck this season. I don't think they can even redeem it they're so far in the hole, unless someone wakes up next week like this whole season has been a dream. Even still, if that happens I'll be giving up on principle. So far the only thing that has kept me watching at all this season is my sheer disbelief that the next episode aired could suck as much as the one I've just watched. They prove me wrong every week.

Alright, let's talk plot holes, shall we. Assume the only givens here are that the Heroes are all incredibly stupid. We'll pretend that's the trade off for their extra powers. Case in point, Mohinder, he only got really ridiculous once he shot up with power juice. (we'll forgive him that one since many a Sci-Fi narrative has been based on such an event) Even still, they showed him as MohinderFly in the future, so does he inject himself again? I don't care what the Heroes do as far as time travel is concerned, none of them seem to have the power to make a (full earth?) solar eclipse happen so he should have never had those powers/deformities in the future if he was just magically healed by the eclipse.

Now, how about Hiro. WTF??? How much of a slap in the face is it to every 30 something into comic books to have him running around with the psyche a 10 year old kid. Do you think that maybe, just maybe, Tim Kring shit on his major demographic with that one? Yeah, I guess that was in case all the articles being written about how stupid he thinks his fans are were too subtle. And what was with that corn thing? Does Hiro's other power include an internal divining rod for comic book stores? How did they even find that place? And, who's drawing the 9th Wonder comics now anyway if the artist is dead? Papa Petrelli? The only thing they did to preserve continuity at all in this episode was to have Hiro think in Japanese. It's something I guess. I'm not done though...

What about Elle. She's trying to mack on the guy who killed her father! I think Sylar is super fucking hot, but even I'm not that horny!!! Plus, I love how she is so willing to work for Papa Petrelli. Why isn't she as afraid of him as the rest of the old timers. I know she's young, but she is by no means new to this game, she was inside the inside when she was working for the company, against Papa Petrelli, and now she's working for him no questions asked. For what, to get a little ass? Plus, her and Claire were like BFF for two seconds, yet she was more than willing to go after her. If it weren't for Claire she would have died when she caused that plane to crash, doesn't that count for something? And, don't even let me get into Elle's back story with Sylar, because when they finally met earlier this season they were strangers. -Peach pie my ass.
And Sylar, he spun that whole yarn two weeks ago about being good now and how him and Elle were products of their environment. How it really isn't their fault they were bad, but it wasn't really them and they could change. How do they change you ask? By becoming Papa Petrelli's pawns and doing his evil bidding? They haven't even shown him suggesting thoughts to Sylar, so why is he following the man that abandoned him at birth so willingly.

And boy oh boy those other Petrelli brothers. How in the hell was Nathan going to fly The Haitian back if he dampens his powers? Even if we assume that The Haitian can turn his power off (which I've never seen) then how was he going to carry Peter and The Haitian. There would have been a three way in the sky! I also love how they just happened to drop out of thin air, unharmed, and land right in The Haitian's lap. I wasn't surprised when bossy ass Nathan got them lost, but where did Peter get his mad navigation skills? Did he learn that in nursing school? Mama and Papa Petrelli both seem to be bad asses, why are their sons so stupid.
Also, why does Ali Larter's latest character even care if Nathan gets elected to the White House? What does that get her? A better job? As manipulative as she is being, don't you think that she could actually maneuver something that might benefit her? And wouldn't God tell Nathan about what she's up to? As much as Nathan questioned his epiphany's from God, he sure hasn't questioned why they've stopped. I guess divine intervention is fleeting.

Now this Eclipse. What's so special about it besides the fact that it is happening simultaneously around the globe despite the fact that the sun can only shine on one side of the earth at a time? That, and that it's the second solar eclipse to happen in one year? I mean, even if we did buy into the "my powers came from the eclipse" story line for the younger generation, what about the parents? What about Adam Monroe? He's had powers for like hundreds of years, so what did that eclipse that happened a year ago (and all the subsequent ones) do to him/them? Surely the parents have run into this before, shouldn't they know how to handle this by now?
What's this catalyst crap all about? Claire is the stupidest of the Heroes. Before the episode even started we called her "I'm so happy to be in pain" tripe. So why is she the catalyst? Wouldn't her body force this artificially planted catalyst out the way it does a bullet in an effort to heal itself? Better yet, if she was able to figure out she's the catalyst, surely others have too. I bet you ten bucks that HRG says he's known she was the catalyst all along. My favorite part of last nights episode was when he put his glasses on and you knew he was going to kick some ass. It was just like when Stallone switches his cap to the back in 'Over the Top'.

Now for the where have they been section of my rage. What happened to all of those characters who were so important last season who have seemed to just have disappeared? Most notably, little Molly, who was so coveted last season. She was around for one episode this season, (in a flash to the future where she was still the same age) and she hasn't been heard from since. Mohinder surely isn't taking care of her and Parkman has been too busy in; the desert, airports, corn fields. Molly's only like eight years old, did CYS step in? Also, what about Claire's fly boy? He was the first person to ever understand her yet she hasn't mentioned him all season. There were two main characters dedicated to protecting Micah the first season, now he's just forgotten, along with his cousin, St. Joan. Plus, I read that Kring just took out Peter's Irish sweetie for no good reason, and that explanation is supposed to suffice. Are we supposed to just pretend the others got lost in the time jumping as well? They all bug the shit out of me, but still, where's the continuity? On a side note, how come besides The Haitian and the Nakamura's the only Heroes seem to be American?

I think the writers for Heroes need to rent the first two seasons and make a giant timeline as they watch it, not unlike Dr. Surresh's map. That way they can remember key points like what abilities Sylar has obtained (don't get me started on that one) and who's crossed paths with whom. Just a suggestion.
I can't help but notice that almost every Hero has issues with their parents. Issues that seem to be the driving factors for most of their actions. I bet Tim Kring had an unhappy childhood. Now we all have to suffer.

Bruce Campbell's still got it!

Loving all things Sci-Fi and Horror it should come as no surprise that I also love Bruce Campbell. Really, the three go hand in hand as far as I'm concerned. When I read that Bruce was doing a theater tour of the country with a Q&A session after the showing of his latest film, "My Name is Bruce", I just knew I'd be there. Unfortunately, none of these appearances were in my town. But, I'm always willing to travel and was able to catch a show in a city a couple hours away from here.

We headed out straight after work and loaded up on sugar, caffeine, and Indy rock (thanks to The Kills) the entire way. We arrived at our destination with time enough to catch a delicious dinner of Carnitas Quesadillas (ironically in a restaurant that originated in my neck of the woods) before getting in line for the show. I was dressed appropriately enough for the occasion in black on black with grey stars on my shirt. Some others however went all out in what I'm assuming were left over Halloween costumes. It's funny how someone can spend so much time getting all the details of his Ash costume right only to duct tape his chain saw to the wrong hand. The movie theater we went to had a bar in the lobby, something you rarely see where I live. I'm normally a fan of the 'couple of cocktails before the show' line of thinking, (especially if it's Shemps Olde Tyme Whiskey) but we had a three hour drive home when this was over so I was sticking to candy and soda. Still, I was particularly jealous of the guy in front of us in line. That well gin martini he was drinking out of a plastic cup looked delish! -that was sarcasm by the way, but I digress..

The movie itself was excellent. Everything you'd expect from a Campbell flick that is a parody of every other Campbell flick. Cheap jokes, fake blood, and lots of boob shots (kudos for casting a leading lady with real hooters by the way). I was hooked when ten minutes in our punk rock teenage Bruce fan says "Come on baby, give me some sugar", in an attempt to hook up in a graveyard. Nice! Seriously, though, that would have totally worked on me - natch.
The movie was great, the premise believable (sorry Bruce), and the time flew by. Unfortunately we were sandwiched between two couples who spent the entire movie laughing way too hard at every little quip and happening. It was annoying and distracting. The chick next to me never shut the fuck up but unfortunately wasn't out of line enough for me to correct her. The only time the cackling seemed remotely warranted was when Bruce asked his leading lady if she'd like to see his 'boom stick'. As we were all funneling out of the theater most annoying girl ever was bragging that they only had to walk eight blocks to get to their (free) parking spot. Remembering this we laughed harder and louder then they ever did during the show when the parking lot attendant told us our fee for parking in the lot for the last four hours was two bucks. Two dollars!! Shit, I'd pay two dollars not to huff eight blocks in the freezing cold. Idiots.

After the movie, Bruce came out, and he looked more handsome than ever. He was wearing glasses and I think that made him more dashing and very distinguished looking. There are certain people that I revere so much I can't even imagine having sex with them because they're so much larger than life in my mind. Bruce Campbell is one of those people. The Q&A went well because Bruce handled the crowd like a pro. He was witty, quick, and down to earth which kept things flowing nicely. He was sincere in his answers and at one point he even called Will Ferrell a "smelly son of a bitch" for taking his Old Spice commercial spots. He was gracious enough, signing a fans arm so he could get the signature permanently added amongst his zombie tattoos, and signed one other fan item, but in an effort towards equality he asked the personal requests be kept to a minimum. I thought that was a cool move, I mean really, what do I get out of him signing your t-shirt?

At one point a jerk from the back of the audience asked, "I have four dollars and a camera phone, want to go into the bathroom and make a movie?" Bruce's reply, "I've got a whole wallet right here, why don't I just shove it up your ass?" - Awesome smart assery! Another great one was when he was asked who he preferred Ohio State or U of M and he said, "What do you think dickwad?" Dickwad - that killed me!!

When you see this movie you'll see that Ted Raimi has his usual fifteen roles. He really doesn't have that many, but he's in there - a lot. Bruce said that was because he would take more script for less money, and that his 'acting' helped make Bruce look more natural. One of Ted's characters is Luigi, the town fix it man, but if you look, you'll see his cover-alls actually have Ted on the name tag. Speaking of Raimi's when he was asked what his favorite Raimi project was, Bruce said it was "bailing Sam out with those Spider Man films" and to rest assured they couldn't make Spider Man 4 without him. Also, any rumors about Bubba Hotep 2 are just that, the reason it didn't happen was because they couldn't agree on a script.
One of the first things Bruce said to us was a reference to Evil Dead 4. Later he asked us if we wanted to know about ED4 and then proceeded to show us just how classy he was. He asked us if we liked Indian Jones 4 and how we felt watching Harrison Ford hobble around in the jungle for whole picture. He then told us he didn't like watching dudes past their prime try and do more than they were capable of either. Also, that he was basically more realistic (and had more self respect) than to think ED4 could be pulled off. He also mentioned the remake and said that if he's going to be stuck playing the old man working in the bait shop he'd pass. Good for him, Bruce Campbell is bigger than crappy cameos - he's a leading man! He may star in more B movies than any other actor I can think of, but the guy doesn't fuck around. He knows what's up and that's why people love him so much I guess.

Go here to download the movie poster for "My Name is Bruce" (above), it prints nicely on 11x17 paper.

kickin' it up a nerdy notch

All the good movie rental places have closed in my area, so now we're left to get our videos from the crappy rental place I used to make fun of. It's that or On-demand which is a little pricey considering how many movies I'll take in now that my winter hibernation is underway. Plus I got tired of the looks I get from the family of dolts that work at the video place every time I ask if they carry a movie off the mainstream radar so I bit the bullet and signed up for Netflix.

Once I got my first confirmation I knew I was going to love this service. I was also reminded once again of what an amazing nerd I am, mostly because when I asked little sister if she wanted to watch any of the movies with me she responded, "No one wants to watch those movies but you." Now I know that's completely untrue, but I do have a feeling I hold the title for the nerdiest trio of movies to ever arrive from Netflix in one mailing. What are these embarrassing movies I was so excited to receive in my mailbox? Re-Animator, The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters, and The Toxic Avenger. I know, right?

There's no doubt Re-Animator is one of the best zombie movies of all time, and The Toxic Avenger is just plain fun, but it's King of Kong I have been dying to see. I listen to Howard Stern religiously, usually catching each show twice with the replays, and they've been playing the crap out of a clip from King. The one where bitch boy Brian Kuh is telling everyone in the arcade about the impending kill screen (hoping the stress will break our hero, Steve Wiebe). Then last week's geek shirt of the week on Topless Robot was a shirt featuring Mr. Kuh and his famous line, "There's a Donkey Kong kill screen coming up if anyone is interested" I just knew the gods wanted me to see this movie.

(Spolier Alert: If you think the gods want you to see this movie watch it before you continue reading this because as you know I hold nothing back)

The gods were right because I loved it!! Who knew there was such a seedy underbelly to the world of professional gaming. I started watching thinking that Billy Mitchell was a little smug for being such a tremendous geek, but conceded that since he was the king of the geeks he was entitled. However my feelings for Mr. Mitchell turned to anger, and then disdain as I watched him continuously plot to cheat the deserving Steve Wiebe of a title that was rightfully his. Also, I would kill to be a grocery store manager in his area. If he came into my store and re-arranged my shelves so his competitors hot sauce was all behind his I'd ban his ass....and his feathered hair. Having his man-boy Brian Kuh do his bidding is pretty low too, don't waste your time trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, he never man's up, just go ahead and loath him from the beginning. It's probably more fun that way. Notice too how you never see Billy Mitchell playing a video game. I think it's fair to say he's probably all washed up. Funny how I can hate someone I never met so much. And, his wife should put those things away, they're not that great, unless sloppy is your thing. - MEOW!

I don't think the makers of this documentary film knew what a goldmine they had on their hands. It would have been impossible to predict how out of control things would get over a game of Donkey Kong. It's pretty apparent the film makers had picked a side in the battle for the crown, but I walked away feeling most sympathetic for Steve's wife and kids. There are a couple of times when his kids are screaming for their Dad to stop playing Donkey Kong and pay some attention to them for a change. You really saw the toll Steve's quest took on his family. Still it was probably worth the struggle the family went through because the end result was a husband/father who has a sense of pride through accomplishment and is brimming with self esteem. It was a wild ride full of deceit and shady deeds and I hung on every minute. Always a sucker for a happy ending though, I was happy to see our hero come out triumphant in the end. This is truly an awesome journey, go rent it and chase the winter blues away!

If you're interested, The AV Club has a good article with Billy and the director of the film here. Billy even refers to his wife as a trophy in it - priceless! Also, NEVER buy Rickey's hot sauce, try Red Hot instead, it's Wendo approved. Really, I put that shit on everything.

Satisfactory Results

I received an email from Lance Snacks today and was most pleased. I mean this is what I call customer service! No bullshit request to send in the half eaten package so they can "inspect" the hair. No condescending letters sent from Claims Manager Daniel T. Dubois. (Have I mentioned I have a theory that Bic has resold the razor I sent in since they claim it contained "no defects"?) Lance accepted I had a complaint, explained they weren't sure how it happened, and rectified the situation by sending coupons. Coupons I didn't even ask for by the way, they just want me to be a satisfied customer. They succeeded, because I feel very satisfied. Bic corporation could learn a thing or two from Lance Snacks. They might not be the global giant Bic is, but they have customer service down pat. When you read their email below notice how they even indulge that I questioned which part of the body the hair came from in a totally non-patronizing way. Good Job Lance!


Lance Communications‏

From: Lance Communications (webservice@lance.com)
Sent: Wed 10/29/08 12:06 PM
To: wendo7@live.com (wendo7@live.com)

Please accept our apologies for your experience with Lance Cream Cheese with Chives on Captain's Wafers that contained hair. We are most concerned to have this report. We are unable to identify the source of the hair since we did not receive the product. We do have a comprehensive hair restraint policy that has greatly reduced the number of hair contamination problems. We feel this was an isolated occurrence but are certainly taking further steps to prevent this from happening again.

This product is manufactured in accordance with the highest quality standards. Please be assured that this information has been forwarded to the responsible individuals for corrective action.

Again, we apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you. We are sending coupons for your use. We hope you will continue to have faith in our organization and purchase our products as you have in the past.

Smooth, right? This reminds me I have an email to send to Bic.....

It's Dean!

It may be shocking for you to learn that I don't love cartoons. Well not 'news at eleven' sort of shocking necessarily, but surprising considering the fact that I married someone who went to school for computer animation. I do however L-O-V-E The Venture Bros. on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim.

Even before they started the shirt of the week thing there were several Venture Bros. shirts floating around my house. We have all the DVD's and even have this past season saved in the DVR. Even my wallpaper and screen savers are Venture themed. Yes we are nerds supreme, especially when it comes to the Ventures. My good friend, we'll call him Shmian (mostly because he hates that nick name) has a red beard when it grows in and is bald most of the time. He's a dead ringer for Rusty, especially the older we get (yes that is depressing). Schmian is also the type of guy who would wear a speed suit, plus he loves science! IF you're confused about what I'm talking about click on the link above and order season one on DVD - you so won't regret it. Unless you have absolutely no sense of humor what so ever, and in that case what the fuck are you doing here anyway?

My point wasn't to plug a show I happen to love, but to display my supreme nerdery for all to see. I used my DEAN! t-shirt as a template and carved my jack-o-lantern in the image of the most handsome of the Ventures (sorry Hank). Why? Because the ladies do love Dean!!

How fucking awesome is that - Dean-o-lantern FTW!

Worst Luck Ever!

I swear I have the worst fucking luck. Today I decided to snack on a package of cream cheese and chive flavored Captain's Wafers crackers instead of eating a real lunch. I ate the top layer, and then BAM! there it was. A curly black arm (I hope) hair sitting very daintily on my otherwise delicious snack. I am not a hairy girl, and I'm a redhead to boot so there's no way it was mine.

It's disgusting to find hair in your food and humiliating to realize said hair is mocking you. Last week I found a hair on my pickles in a restaurant, and the week before that there was tap cheese in my Labatt's. WTF!!!!! I never said anything about either of those incidents, maybe I'm a pussy, but really I just hate the awkward apology that comes from servers. Being a waitress myself for many years I usually opt out of the uncomfortable exchange I know will follow any such complaint.

I will however fill out a complaint form online since there isn't any face to face interaction. I did just that at http://www.lancesnacks.com/ - here it is:

I found a hair sandwiched between my cream cheese and chive Captain's Wafers and am thoroughly grossed out. The hair is black and curly and in no way mine since I am a redhead. It looks like it's probably an arm or chest hair, but since I am assuming you require your employees to wear shirts to work, I'm guessing arm. Thanks for your prompt attention to this matter - W

I also included a link to this blog so they can see the pictures, lets see what happens.

*Sorry for the poor quality, I never heed Cockerham's advice so these pics were taken with my phone.

Blood....BLOOD!!!

In honor of breast cancer awareness month all the fountains around town dyed their water "pink". Unfortunately it looks like a bunch of vampires had a midnight feeding in them in honor of Halloween. You can judge for yourself, but I've already made up my mind. I'm just happy school is back in session because during the summer you can find many a youngster cooling off in these very fountains. Imagine what kind of damage an image like this could do to a child's psyche.

...say number 13

It's October 13th and I wanted to post a little FYI for all of you Halloween junkies out there. I've been sort of disappointed in the movies showing on Sci-fi network during their 31 days of Halloween and ABC Family and Disney haven't been serving out their normal amount of kid friendly cheese I crave this time of year. I haven't seen much on AMC either so if any of you know where the good Halloween movies are, tip me off, because I feel like I'm missing something. I emptied out the DVR in hopes to fill it with Halloweenie goodness and that hasn't happened yet.
So, If you love horror movies and Halloween related anything these little tip offs are for you. I have to warn you, I don't discriminate. I love the good and bad alike, for a number of reasons. While you may not love everything on my list, hopefully you'll find something to your liking.

I also have to give a little shout out to one of my all-time favorites 'The Fly'. Husband had never seen the whole thing so we watched that this weekend too. I still don't think he gets my fascination with it, but this movie helped sculpt my love of both Science Fiction and nerdy boys. I mean when Jeff Goldblum says, "..Me, you, and the baby. We'll be the perfect family unit all in one being" it melts my freakin' heart. I'd try to examine that one further, but I'm afraid of what I'd learn about myself....

At eight am Saturday morning, with nothing on the tele, I stumbled upon Clive Barker's 'Midnight Meat Train' on Fearnet. I thought it was great. The effects were very satisfying, lots of blood and guts everywhere. At one point the killer hits someone on the back of the head and their eyeball goes flying out of it's socket - brilliant! I also liked the ending. Not the first place your brain goes while following this thriller, but I did get there before they did. The whole thing was artfully done and I enjoyed it immensely. Watch this immediately - it's free for crying out loud!

This weekend I also watched 'Mindwarp' starring my man, Bruce Campbell. Bruce was young and virile in this one and that was probably all I needed to enjoy this film. It's supposed to show a bleak future world where all of our resources had been used up blah, blah, blah, so a group of people are forced to live underground below the land fills. Remember this was made in the 80's so when they find that old Atari controller it's really brand new. The highlight of the movie came early on for me, when Bruce takes that young girls virginity. I can't help but wish it had been me. Don't be upset that I'm giving something away here, this flick is as predictable as it gets. It's your typical crappy 80's sci-fi fare, so of course I liked it. Yelling at the poor choices made by the characters on my TV screen has always been a hobby of mine. You can participate as well, catch it on Fearnet.

One of my favorite B level horror flicks is Black Sheep. We had borrowed it from a friend (thanks Lauren) and I watched it kind of reluctantly, but was glad I did - it was great!! It involves an experiment gone wrong where the sheep start to crave blood, but once bitten, you're infected and then become a killer sheep yourself. You know, your typical zombie story line. I watched Mulberry Street last night on Sci-fi thinking that this would be more of the same. The plot is similar, killer rats in New York City are biting people and turning them into killer zombie rats. This however wasn't you're run of the mill, so cheesy it's good variety of movie they tend to run on Sci-fi. I really liked this one. Very metaphoric and artfully shot this movie was a more realistic (at times - like when the president is MIA during a crisis) look at what it would like to be quarantined in the big apple with zombies on the loose. My only complaint might be that the zombie rats couldn't figure out how to break through glass but they could if someone dropped something that made a noise. It's no surprise then that in this movie people dropped things, a lot. The ending made me mad, and I cried when a certain key cast member got caught by the zombies but it's also that time of the month so don't hold that against me.

Hopefully that will get you started. I'm also eagerly awaiting my arrival of 'The Worst Witch' (the movie) starring Tim Curry. I hate the Haaaaaallllooooweeeeen song, but other than that the tale of Mildred Hubble finally learning how to be a witch warms my heart. I haven't seen it since it used to run on HBO when I was a kid, I hope it holds up. I also hope it arrives before Halloween, Amazon hasn't even shipped it yet and I ordered it ten days ago - WTF Amazon.

ACL 2008

Well, I may very well be the last person in the interweb (yes, that was a joke) to post about this years Austin City Limits festival. But hey, it's better late than never you ingrates. I kid to cover the shame of my procrastination, sorry guys.

I need to throw in a disclaimer, and here seems as good a spot as any. I am a fan of music, all types really. But, I am a fan of the music, period. I appreciate the people who make it, but it's the end product I'm interested in. I am not however so fucking geeked out that I know the name rank and serial number of every member of every band I'm into, my obsession with Jack White aside. I don't have that kind of grey matter to spare. So, forgive me when I refer to so and so as the bass player for whoever, that's just how I roll. In turn, be impressed when I know their names because that's really something - trust me.

Anyway, husband and I had a blast on our virgin trip to Austin and the festival. I was really sweatin' the heat before we left, but it wasn't too hot this year, only around 92-94 degrees and rarely a cloud in the sky. I say that all sarcastically by the way. I mean, I'm from the north east. I like it cool and cloudy. The sun is not this Irish girls friend and I go from freckled to crispy fried in 3 seconds flat. I found it amusing that every bit of Austin news feed I saw remarked on the 'cool' weather. In years past it had gotten up to 108 degrees, so I understand the angle, but come on people 93 is not cool, it's sub tropic. Add 65,000 people smashed body to body to the mix and things heat up that much more. I knew what I was in for - definitely, and planned accordingly. I now own two pairs of shorts and though it stretched my wardrobe I was able to put together three outfits that didn't involve any black clothing.

For a festival of it's size, it was very well run. With the addition of next year's improved irrigation system (to help with the dust 130,000 feet can stir up) things should be even better. There was an air-conditioned tent where you could cool off and play some Rock Band and make free long distance calls. There were also art projects going on, button making stations etc. With eight stages it got hard to fit all of this stuff in, and if you were lucky enough to have found a corner of shade you weren't doing any of that. You were too busy trying to decide if you wanted to see whatever band was next on your list enough to actually give up your prime piece of real estate. On day three, the shade won out over Silversun Pick-ups for me. I was kind of close to the stage and heard some of their set anyway.

Day One - Friday:

Whenever you're in a new city and relying on taxi's for transport you need to be able to plan ahead. Our hotel was only 7 miles from Zilker Park, but there's no accounting for traffic patterns, especially when there's a city rocking (literally - ha!) event taking place. We got to Zilker way fucking early on Friday, but it was cool because that gave us time to get a lay of the land. We acquainted ourselves with the placement of all eight stages, food venues, restrooms, and beer stands. All the important stuff. Besides, Friday was my biggest day for band viewing. Most of the bands I'm digging right now were playing back to back. It was good we were able to make a plan of attack - we were going to need it.

What Made Milwaukee Famous


WMMF was a great intro to ACL for me. Originally from Austin, I first heard of these guys when I was ordering a Mates of State cd off the Barsuk website. I needed a few more dollars to qualify for free shipping and was sampling bands when I stumbled across their sophomore album 'What Doesn't Kill Us'. I didn't know they played a club show in town the night before or I would have gone. Yes, I like them that much.

The early afternoon spots on the Blue Room stage were easily the worst slots on the schedule. Not because they were at an obscure time, or that the stage was small, but because the sun was literally beating down on the stage as if a mean little seven year old was holding a magnifying glass between us and it. For the artists facing the white hot sun, that much closer to it thanks to the height of the stage, it was brutal. That, and a hang over from the previous nights gig, explain my before and after picture above. This would also be the first time in many I would be baffled by all the black clothing people were wearing. Despite it all these guys played a great, energetic set. The lead singer also had my two favorite quotes of the festival. Once when he called himself "dooshy" and the other when he said "that's not sweat on my shirt, it's a hypercolor". Yeah, the twenty year-olds next to us didn't get that one. My favorite tune was a cover of Delta Spirit's 'Trashcan', but they had me when they opened with 'Blood, Sweat, and Fears' - and no, Lance Armstrong did not make a cameo appearance when they played Sultan. Oh, and the drum kit was really cool - check it out in the pic.

Vampire Weekend

I wasn't sure how VW's mellow sounds would translate to this type of venue. When you're playing an outdoor show, music that is loud and raucous translates best. It wasn't VW's fault they sounded empty, but it didn't matter their front man had more than enough personality to carry them. Do you see that look he's giving in the picture, it killed me, it really did. He confirmed my suspicions that there's a missing 'fuck' in the first chorus of 'Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa'. I screamed it - loudly and shamelessly - and got looks for it, oh well. I have to admit, while it was hot when he said it, it's sexier when he doesn't, especially now that my suspicions are confirmed. Besides that, they had two very enthusiastic large chested ladies signing during the songs. When they interpreted the line, "take the chap stick put it on your lips" we cracked up, I swear it looked like soft porn. I'm not going to lie, it was distracting, especially when their hands kept getting in the way of all that giggling.

Aside from the side show, I was very happy to see that a stylist hadn't gotten a hold of these guys. They are if nothing else a band of nerds. Not DND types, well maybe, but I was thinking more along the lines of the fresh out of prep school, too smart for their own good variety. They make no bones about it, it's their badge of honor and they wear it proudly. Still they're the kind of boys that would get their asses kicked by the typical city kid I ran with in high school. The kind of boy that I'm secretly drawn to because he's that smart ....and witty. Honorable mention in the fashion department to their drummers white jean cut-offs and black knee socks. Skillfully done my friend.

Gogol Bordelo

Gogol's known for their high energy shows and crazy stage antics. They have dancing girls (one of whom is allegedly dating Elijah Wood) and the works. The Texas heat didn't slow these guys down at all - they totally brought it. High energy as always with that patented stage presence. Their violin player had a really cool instrument. Even though I was pretty sure half the people in the crowd had never heard of these guys before, they were all rocking out. It was that kind of show where the crowd feels a bond, like we're all molecules in the same pot of boiling water. It killed us, but we left half way through to head over to see Mates of State. If I had to do it over again I would have stayed. Gogol is exactly the kind of act that translates easily from smokey hole in the wall to festival stage in front of thousands without missing a beat. Even while we were waiting for the Mates to play we could still hear them wailing in the background. I was surprised at the looks we got as we bopped in place singing "daaaahhhh, da da da da da dah!" while 'American Wedding' played in the background. Really people this is a festival - and I hadn't even started drinking yet. You'll need those disdaining sneers for when I'm actually drunk.

Mates of State

If you read this blog, you know I love me some Mates of State. Power pop isn't normally my thing, and I can't even explain it, but I can get down to the Mates like no other. If I were going to sing karaoke I would need a male counterpart, and I'd choose the Mates. I even get pissed when husband sings the girl parts instead of playing Jason to my Kori. While I prefer to see them in a club, they did well on the outdoor stage. By this time in the afternoon the sun was on it's way to setting and the stage was in the shade. They had three string players with them, a new chic cello player was added to the mix. I like the sounds of the strings, but a lot of their allure for me laid in the fact that all of that sound came from just the two of them. Maybe I'm just a purist. Anyway, they played most of the new album which didn't leave much room for the favorite of my favorites. I guess it was what it was. An obscure band trying to spark interest from potential fans - Cest la vie.

That was it for day one for us. In between we made buttons, ate chicken cones, and sat on one of the chairs in the air-conditioned tent for way too long. We were going to hang out into the night, but decided to head back to the hotel for showers before we met our friends in town for dinner later that evening. It was a good call because we were exhausted.

Day Two - Saturday:

We must have been really exhausted because somewhere between the bar Friday night and Saturday morning we decided to skip seeing the Fratelli's all together. They only had an hour time slot, so it would pretty much have been the new album (which I hate) with a few favorites peppered in if we were lucky. Plus there was a big gap in the next band we wanted to see. Trying to kill four hours in the blistering sun didn't sound fun to either of us. We ate burgers and shakes at Fuddruckers (yummy!) and watched bad movies on HBO all afternoon before heading out.

Got to Zilker on Saturday and it was insanity! There were so many people there we couldn't even move towards the stage we were aiming for. We had to go away from it to get close to it again, that part of the park was really packed. I knew MGMT had really blown up, but man, they're not that good. I learned early on Friday that people will squat for half an hour ahead of time to see a band only to leave during the second song. I know WMMF noticed this happening, I'm not that perceptive, they mentioned it, and it was a trend throughout the festival. My theory is that people have heard of a band and want to check them out to see if they're to their liking, but then you have to at least check them out. You can't watch a band for one song and decide if you like them or not, but I digress. This kind of thing actually worked in our favor most of the time because once you found a pocket you could easily work your way closer to the stage. Most of the time if you fought your way through the back of the crowd things would open up quite a bit.

MGMT

It took us a while, but we eventually got (kind of) close to the stage. They band was dressed in eye catching ensembles as always, and they played a very amped up set. Once they played the single that's hot right now though, most people left. This was the first time we saw the Clothing Optional Section of the festival. We're avid nudists so we were really happy to find this little island of paradise. I'm kidding. On Friday I couldn't understand why someone would want to carry around one of the many elaborate flags I was seeing, but now I knew. If you were in a group and you lost your way, needed a beer, or had to pee you'd never find your friends again. People put a lot into their flags and their creativity didn't go unappreciated. Most of them even lit up at night.

The Black Keys

Due to an oversight I missed The Keys when I went to AE's NAMU in Pittsburgh so I can't say if this guy tours with them or what, but the dude on the left introduced them and I can't think of a better way for a rock band to start the show. So much charisma... so little stage and his look reminded me of vampire Cheech's in 'From Dusk 'till Dawn'. These guys had an awesome stage set up and a nice earthy sound. These were true professionals and man did they wail! The lead singer did this awesome bit where he was working with the guitar player while he riffed and held... something up to the strings. Someone with more musical knowledge than me probably knows what that was and can probably even explain how it works, but from where I was standing it was just plain cool.

Beck

You expect a big show from the closing acts, and Beck didn't disappoint. They had an awesome stage set up. The background was a huge backdrop made of tiny little lights that made all kinds of pictures and designs as they played. I'm not doing my job of describing it very well, but it was kind of like a video brought to life. The ensemble that accompanied him looked like the kinds of people you'd expect to be hanging out with Beck, a veritable mixed bag of hipsters. When you have a number of hits under your belt it makes sense to lead with your most identifiable one and Beck did just that. 'Loser' really got the crowd going and for the first time this weekend people were moving closer to the stage instead of away from it as the show went on.

There was a great flow from song to song with all of the hits sprinkled in. They did a cool song where they abandoned their instruments and played the entire thing with these electronic boxes that looked like large, rudimentary Speak & Spells. His guitar player was beautiful and had that kind of cool girl presence where she came off as understated while giving it her all. I like to think I'm that kind of 'stand a few rows back' kind of cool most of the time, but there were a couple of instances over the weekend where I freaked out in rock and roll glee. This was one of those performances, it just did it for me. I knew Beck's performance wouldn't disappoint, even if his hairdo did. If I can plunk down $20 for a bottle of Fekkai's glossing creme, surely he can too.

Day Three - Sunday:

Today Husband and I would have company at the fest, we were to be joined buy our friends the Texans, otherwise known as Melanie, Jorge, and Jeff. We took it easy on Saturday and it was a good thing, because Sunday was going to be a killer. We wanted to catch Scott Biram at 12:50, that meant an early start and a whole day in the sun. The first thing I noticed when we arrived Sunday was the dust. It was already kicked up and the place was still empty. Today had the potential to be a disaster. I don't think I mentioned it earlier, but I used to dream of moving to Austin. Until I got there and learned that I am extremely allergic to Austin. Our friends told us that Austin has the most allergens of any place on earth and I believe it. At one point on Friday husband thought I was sweating because I had a steady drip pouring off my chin, but it was a stream of tears coming from my left eye. It watered for about 5 hours straight, no exaggeration there at all. Hooray for sunglasses so large they could cover a shiner because I had bags the entire time I was in Austin.

Sunday was the day I'd have my first taste of sweet tea. I used to waitress and every once in a while you'd get some annoying southerner asking you for sweet tea and then treat you like a child if you dared to offer regular old fresh brewed tea instead. Well, guess what southerners I have some new for y'all - sweet tea doesn't taste any fucking different than regular tea with sugar in it. Quite making a stink and trying to feel special, besides, you still have the Alamo.

Oh, and be patient with my beer drinking ass, I was pretty drunk by the time we got back to the hotel on Sunday and it being almost two weeks later I can't read my notes worth a damn. I know there are some witty little gems in there somewhere, I just have to decode them.

Scott Biram

The Texans have been telling us about how great Biram is forever. But when you hear him described as a "dirty old one man band" with drums strapped to one leg and cymbals strapped to the other as well as a guitar and a harmonica it doesn't necessarily give off the right image. For me it evokes images of that yellow and green Fisher Price musical playset, but that's not what you get. He said it best with "believe it or not, I'm a fucking professional. I pretty much know what I'm doing." Great bluesy rythms met his dirty lymerick style lyrics perfectly to keep a spring in my step and a smile on my face. So much so I bought my dad a copy of his cd. And although we were sworn to secrecy, we all saw Biram drinking a Bud Light, but if you were to ask him, I'm sure he'd tell you it was whiskey, and that Jesus loves him.

The Kills

I am in love with The Kills. I love their east village sensibility and everything about them screams rock n roll to me. I need to tell you this because mid afternoon in the hot Texas sun is not rock n roll at all, and it didn't agree with The Kills. I'm not saying that it affected their performance, but I almost wish it would have becuase even though I enjoyed the show emensly, I was praying for them to slow down before fainting. The Kills were the second band I saw fall prey to the magnified rays of the Blue Room stage, (and again wearing black?). VV was litteraly melting onstage. At one point the guy in the kills offered us their managers home phone number to be called between four and five am. They were unhappy with the gig to be played, but they played it none the less. All of this after their tour bus (and belongings) had been absconded with by their now missing driver. No one would have blamed them if they did a sub par job, but they totally brought it home.

I know these two aren't a couple, but there is heat between them none the less. She did a move where she crawled toward him onstage and it was hands down the sexiest thing I saw all festival. Shit, it may have been the sexiest thing I saw all month. This performance gave new meaning to 'fever'.

Silversun Pick-ups

We were wondering around consulting our programs looking for which band to check out next when we not only found a table that would accomodate all five of us - in the shade - also under misters - right next to a bar. That's right, it wasn't a mirage, but it could have been. We stayed there so long we took turns going to get food and using the bathrooms. This shady oasis was too great a find to leave eagerly, that's why I enjoyed most of Silversun's set from afar.

We did eventually split up and venture on. I caught enough of their set to see the lead singer for Silversun is a dude. That's right, a man. I have their albumn so I thought the girl in the band was the singer, the sound is decidedly feminine, but nope, it's a guy. It took me a while for this to sink in, but I was still pleased to hear 'Lazy Eye' while I was in line for the bathroom. This is about when things started to get dicey, people were hot and tired and manors were going out the window a little. Supplies were dwindeld down to nothing, and it was every man for himself so to speak. I was glad to have that packet of tissues and handi wipes in my bag. Really, really glad. Note to the "doctors" in line for the port-a-johns: you were right, we should have worn masks. Yes, that is an (unintentional) picture of the dust. I wasn't so excited about seeing the red southern earth anymore after I was coughing it up for days after I got home.

The Raconteurs

The plan was to pick up some cd's and check out Okkervil River while waiting for The Raconteurs to begin. The stages were set up so we should have been able to hear just fine, but we wouldn't have that kind of luck. Sure we could have gotten up off our lazy asses and walked over to check out Okkervil's set before The Raconteurs started, but that seemed a heck of a lot like work, and I was starting to get nicley drunk. I didn't want to risk sweating out all of that alchohol.

The Raconteurs set was basically the same as when we saw them in Pittsburgh, with less of the Jack White show. He said he was diagnosed with a slipped disk, and it was obvious he was in pain. He had a cool steel guitar he didn't have at the other show though, and that was neat to see. The blonde guy had a beautiful sea green enamel one that had awesome detail, it really was a work of art.

Still, my favorite songs didn't get played - again. It makes me feel like I'm not in sync with a band when the songs they choose to play live aren't my favorites. I guess I shouldn't take it personally though, I mean I'm smart enough to know there are probably politics at play here. Jack did play this cool thing that had these four large keys I guess you would say, that was right under a microphone during one song, and that was awesome to see. Also awesome to see, Jacks belt buckle was round and made out of brass and had that stylized Raconteurs R on it - nice. Here's a cool picture of Jack singing while playing the piano. Some girls saw this pic over our shoulders in line for the bathrooms after the show and swooned over his curl. I don't need to tell you that I did too. A lot of these pictures are actually pictures of the images on the jumbo tron. (Didn't mean to insult you, I'm sure you can tell) That was the best we could do with our Kodak Easyshare, sorry guys.

Foo Fighters

The Foo Fighters were the closing act of the festival. We had time to kill so we grabbed beers and made a pit stop on the way. I had an offer from a guy to purchase one of my handi wipes, but was a good samaritan instead of a good capitalist and just gave him one instead. That kindness would pay off. While waiting for the show to start I met a girl name Molly who went to school in the town where I live. We talked and they shared their blanket. That little bit of southern hospitality was very much appreciated, so thanks to Molly, my new Austin connection - you fucking rock girl!

Our asses were parked pretty far away from the stage on a little hill, but as soon as the Fighters took the stage I demanded we move closer. Their energy was magnetic and I was litterally drawn in. It knew it was going to be a great set when he said, "We're scheduled to play here for you tonight for two hours, but I think we'll just stay until they kick us off the stage." Their set was hailed as the best closing to ACL ever and from what I saw I can't imagine a band going out with such flavor. When the Foo Fighters rolled through my neck of the woods this summer I skipped it becuase I'm not a fan of that particular venue, now I'm regretting that decision.

All in all it was a pretty great experience. We're planning on going next year, and knowing what I know now that trip should be even better.

More Bic-ering to come

Just a little update on what has been going on. I am finally recovered from my trip. I will go through the pictures tonight and finally get that ACL post up tomorrow or Wednesday.

Saw an awesome rock show Friday night, Face Down Presley kicked ass!!! Also went to see Monster Slayer Saturday night. If you like old school ridiculously themed horror flicks with corn syrup fake blood and the works, this one is for you. Plus Robert Englund plays the professor - it was pretty great!

I also sent my second email to Bic since the last letter. What I wrote wasn't that poetic, but it was to the point. I am going to save the text in my email and send them this same email once a week until I receive a cease and desist order. What kind of multi million dollar company quibbles over $5.99? Anyway here's a copy of the email I sent, keep your fingers crossed kids!

This is my third email to your company after two hand written letters. I had purchased a Soleil shaver and was very unsatisfied with the results. I sent the razor back per your request and sent back the coupons received in exchange for a refund. I just want my $5.99 back. At this point it's not about money but principle. Why would a giant corporation want to screw someone who was sincerely unhappy with the product received. You've already wasted more than the money owed in postage and man hours. I'm screaming this one from the rooftops Bic, I even stopped a woman from purchasing your razor in the drug store the other day. I know I don't have much of a voice, but I do have one and will use it until i get what I feel was owed to me. I'm sorry your razor doesn't meet the standard I'm used to, should I be penalized because I prefer a quality product, I think not. Please forward my refund (as this is my 5th request) to the attached address post haste. Thank you.