Some assholes he knows decided to be dicks on Thanksgiving and spray painted all over his car and his work truck. The purple paint really stands out against the champagne finish on his Civic. There was something drawn on the roof and I couldn't tell what it was. When I asked he just said, "it's cheese" in the saddest voice ever. Oh.
Jerks. Does this really look like a kid who deserves that? I know he can be a little shit, but he's a little shit with a heart of gold.
Wheeeeee!!!!!
Ta-da! Beef Pops! (I'm guessing) I never entertained the idea of these things actually counting as sustinance, they certainly didn't qualify as a meal. But, when you have a drunk and hungry boyfriend on your hands who's willing to eat anything the rules kinda go out the window. I know what you're thinking, "that's beef jerky, big deal". But I hate beef jerky (love Slim Jim's though), so the idea of meat lollipops are pretty gross to me. Besides, the big picture here is that these are Asian "beef" lollipops which means they could be made of practically anything; dog, cat, guinea pig... need I go on?
When we opened the packaging we were nearly bowled over by the smell. A mixture of beef and ass that one can only find in pre-packaged meats that need no refrigeration. It in no way made me want to try the treats inside. Nor did the greasy lubrication I assume they included to keep the meat 'moist', so it slides down the gullit more easily. Ideal, I'm sure, for the snacker on the run.
Boyfriend went first. He devoured half a meat pop in one bite. It tasted enough like beef jerky, but the texture begged to differ. It was chewy like it had been dehydrated and then rehydrated. Exactly what one looks for in a quality snack!
I went next and I believe the following picture sums up my reaction nicely......
Yeah. Besides my general hate for beef jerky something was not right there. Still, we polished off the whole package before we actually decided to do any further investigation (thanks alcohol). Even the Bean had some. Dogs.... she wasn't even drunk.
Here's where I feel I should mention that it wasn't until we were nearing the end of the packet that we noticed these weird swirly little objects peppered throughout the grease. Were they some sort of magical spices or were they tiny little rolled up worms? We weren't sure. Upon inspection we decided they probably weren't worms since they were visible through the clear packaging and these meat pops were heavily seasoned. Sometimes it's better for your own psyche to believe the less horrible of options, we were going to live blissfully in ignorance.
That lasted about three minutes.
Our bellies full, (and kinda rumbly) we decided to try and figure out what exactly we had just eaten. We were pretty sure it wasn't beef, and we hoped for Barski's sake it wasn't dog. I couldn't live with the idea of making my dog an involuntary cannibal. The only language on the packaging that wasn't a Chinese character accompanied what we assumed was the company mascot/logo in the corner of the packaging. Asia's answer to the Quaker Oats guy? Here's hoping!
There it is folks, Xiang Xiang, the only recognizable script on the packaging. We let our fingers do the walking with a quick internet search and found the company's website. It was in Chinese, but there was a translate to English option, perfect. There it was right on the home page, Xiang Xiang is China's number one maker of soy based foods. Whew... enter sigh of relief here. The texture wasn't cat after all, it was soy! Super.
Later I found this picture of Xiang Xiang soy skewers online except these ones look fucking delicious.
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