Ignorance is BLISS

I was told once that I'm extra observant, it's a trait I've always been proud of.  I'm beginning to think however that maybe I should rethink the way I go about things.  I found another hair in a food item today and I got to thinking that I can't be the only one. I can't be the only person noticing hairs and other miscellaneous items in the food she eats. 

That leaves two possibilities for the rest of you. Either A) you're not paying attention, or B) you don't care. I have no doubt that if this particular tub of Heluva Good Bodacious Onion Dip had landed in someone else's grocery cart that this hair would be half way to the large intestines by now. It doesn't matter if that's becuase it was shoveled into someone's mouth at the speed of light, or they were too busy watching their favorite hockey team skate their way to the playoffs (Go Pens!) to see it, I truly believe that I'm one of the few lucky consumers who would have noticed it. I don't say this out of conceit, rather the opposite, because I am tired of being regularly grossed out by curly body hairs in my favorite snacks. I hate it. I wish I didn't care, but do. I'm anal and have cleanliness issues. Luckily I also have a sense of humor (to a degree) and I penned this lovely little note card to the Heluva Good Cheese Company. Hopefully someone there will enjoy it too. 

Rob Cockerham is my co-pilot

When I find a blog I like I become addicted. Once I discover I really dig the content I start to read obsessively. If I can get into the writing style I quickly switch to stalker mode and read everything they've ever posted. The first blog I ever loved reading was The Sneeze, and that's where I learned about Cockeyed. I've read everything on both sites, but particularly love The Sneeze's 'Steve Don't Eat It' and Cockeyed's 'Pranks'.  Plus, in true stalker fashion I follow both fellows on Twitter.

Imagine how stoked I was to see a tweet that Rob from Cockeyed was looking for help with a prank he was planning. I knew Rob lives in CA and replied quickly hoping my east coast location would help secure my place in prank history.  On March 7th I got the call (email actually) I was heading up to the majors, I was chosen to participate in the prank. 

I was so excited to receive my packet in the mail. I got the packet of phony applications and a personal letter from the man himself, I was ready to do some pranking!  

I started scouting out the fast food venues in my area. I wanted my applications to stay put as long as possible. I wanted them to look like they fit in. I don't really eat fast food that often but if I do Taco Bell is my restaurant of choice, I headed there first. It wouldn't work, The Bell has a tri-fold application. The Wendy's by my house had two application centers, but both had two holders each (side by side) and were in close proximity to each other, better keep looking. The Arby's I went to had them right next to the cash register. There was no one in there but us and the employees and the applications were bright red with the picture of a smiling face filling the page. Rob's type filled application would stick out like a sore thumb. I was hoping that Sonic's applications would be outside because that would be an easy drop, but no such luck. 

We finally went to another Wendy's and had success (after a minor set back). It was really fun and I learned I can think on my feet and keep my cool during a crisis.  Go here to read Rob's full story, there's a link at the bottom to my contribution to the prank. You can also read the entire application here - and you should it's hilarious, really brilliant stuff.  Kudos Rob, thanks for including me!!!

Don't ask, don't tell?

Went to see Burn After Reading yesterday and wasn't sweating that I was running late. After all, I really didn't care if I missed the commercials. (Rant on paying to see commercials is another blog) I made it to the theater to catch one full commercial, and oh what a masterpiece of cinematic persuasion it was. It was for the National Guard and very different from the simple 'the few, the proud, The Marines' commercials we're used to. This one was more of a propoganda video for the red neck set featuring uber americans Kid Rock and Dale Earnhart Jr.

PC Disclaimer: Before I get too far into this I feel the need to explain myself a little bit, becuase frankly I never get political here. I don't really intend to now, think of this more as social commentary. While I do not support the war in Iraq, I do totally support our troops. Anyone who is wiling to defend this country on their own accord is a hero in my eyes and I thank you all.

That said, I was completely thunderstruck by what I saw last night. The featured song is Kid's Warrior which was no doubt commisioned by the Guard. He sings of being an "American Warrior, a civilian in peace" while images of helicopters and hummvee's swoop by on screen. There are two stories being told here, one of good looking loyal americans going off to battle in the middle east. The other features Earnhart struggling to break through the pack in a Nascar race. I know, balanced right? They never really show the soldiers in the video actually doing anything violent, you know, becuase war isn't really violent. They do however show the troops busting into a cave and throwing the clever burlap 'disguise' off of a crate of guns they 'discover' - mission complete! The whole thing is very intense and at one point a hummvee even stops on a dime to keep from running over a cute little middle eastern boy as he chases his soccer ball into the dirt road, it was endearing really.

Now call me cynical, but my mind immediately skyrocketed back in time to a talk I saw some fifteen years ago in college about the film Triump of the Will. Yes, this National Guard commercial smacked of the same cinematic quality and production values, with a huge emphasis on a powerful muscial background. The themes were generally the same too, the grandiose nature in which they display their parties power, hardening themselves for the sacrifice that lies ahead. The only thing missing was George W., but we all know even Kid Rock can't sell that guy to the American public anymore. The Guard didn't steal every idea from WWII propoganda flics though, the whole time they had the National Guard logo translucent in the bottom right hand corner of the screen. We all know that they stole that little subliminal trick form the networks. (N-B-C!)

Just as the commercial was about to end I leaned over to husband and said, "Nothing about this appeals to me". I wasn't surprised, I don't think it was supposed to, but we were there to see a Coen brothers movie for fucks sake. I couldn't imagine it appealing to anyone there. I mean the very next thing we were to see was a trailer for the movie MILK (which looks excellent by the way). Wasn't that more this crowds speed? In preparing for this I read this quote by the director of Triumph of the Will on line. She was discussing how she tried to feign ignorance of the Nazi party to get out of shooting the movie but that it didn't work becuase "He wanted a film which would move, appeal to, impress an audience which was not necessarily interested in politics." -- Leni Riefenstahl Her disinterest made her the perfect candidate becuase she was his target audience.

Ah, check mate! I suppose if similar lures worked on you and you are regretting your decision you can always claim the twinkie defense. Natch.

Note: Kudos, brothers Coen, Burn After Reading is magnificent!

It's like Deja Vu all over again

I fear there's a strange phenomenon sweeping the nation.....

A few blogs back I mentioned someone in my husband's office was fired yet their coffee mug remained, unwashed, for weeks afterward. What I didn't mention was that on that very same day someone in my office was fired for the exact same reason. (Fear of someone actually reading this and then getting fired myself for dishing too much dirt keeps me from telling you the reason here, but know that it still serves as excellent fodder for water cooler gossip!)

The other day I had to walk past this newly fired person's old desk and I noticed the pictures and personal effects they left behind were still there. Interesting, wait a moment, is that a coffee mug I spy? Yes it is, and.... it's not empty!!!! I tried to be nonchalant as I cruised by but couldn't help uttering a little "Huhhl" noise from the back of my throat. Yes, I actually squealed with delight. Luckily no one noticed. I couldn't believe my luck, I mean what are the odds of the same, very specific, phenomenon happening in two different places at once. How many other people were fired on that fateful Tuesday midway through their morning cup of joe? This needed to be documented immediately!

I made myself a note (yes I actually stuck a post-it onto my computer) that read "MUG PICTURE" (it's still there). I wanted to take a picture of the mug but would have to wait until most people were gone for the day.

Very stealthily I made my way back to the mug, I grabbed it and snuck back to my office. I couldn't risk snapping photo's at someone else's desk, I would get fired/arrested/sued for sure. I quickly snapped the photo's and placed the mug back in it's origional spot. You can see it must have been pretty full becuase the coffee skin is stretched downward and pulling away from the side. You will also notice some mattish looking spots, those are probably the beginnings of mold.

The weirdest thing about all of this for me is that while we live in the same town and happen to be married my husbands office and mine are competely different. One small, the other large yet these strange sets of circumstances parallel each other in every way. Doo, do, do, doo... (Really, professor friend, is there a way to calculate these odds?)

Anyway, the moldy mug has been there for 17 days now. I'll follow it's progress and post updates....I also have a spy in place to alert me if someone decides to chuck it.

Sssh! Super Secret Spy Photos!

There has been a dead bug on the floor in the bathroom of my office for three weeks. It was there when I went on vacation and there when I came back. I told HR guy about it to no avail. When I ran into HR guy in the lunch room I told him I was going to take a picture of it every day with my cell phone to see how many I could rack up, he thought that was a funny idea. I had a feeling the bug was going to be around for a while so with HR's blessing I started logging the bugs progress in the loo. I snuck down yesturday after most people were gone and snapped a few photo's with my phone.


I was going to track how long it was going to take them to actually sweep the little fellow up, but when I came in this morning my friend was gone. I felt a little sad, I wanted to start taking bets on how long this would last. That's alright, I still have this drip of blood on the stall wall to keep me company. It's been there for a good six months, will it be there for six more? Probably.

Want Some Coffee?

A couple of weeks ago someone got fired in my husbands office.

His used coffee mug is still sitting on his desk.

It's growing mold now.

I wonder how long it will be there before it's moved.

Update: the mug was finally thrown away three days after this posted.