How not to find love, ....or How to spot a predator

As a hip girl about town I keep up with the local goings on by reading the free weekly city paper. I particularly enjoy Savage Love and Direct Connections (the personals) and yes, the i in Connections is dotted with a heart. I'm not going to say I'm a voyeur per se, but I definitely like having my own private view into the personal lives of others. That's also why Facebook fascinates me.

Some people run the same tired personal adds every week. Others are either extremely successful or didn't realize how much it would cost to check their responses because you see them once, twice tops and never hear from them again. Sure it's free to place an add, but at $2.19 a minute to respond to or browse adds you'd have to be pretty serious. I think it's a testament to the lengths some people will go to for companionship, and just how crafty predators can be.

Most of the adds are for men seeking men, then men seeking women, only a few women seeking men, and lots of alternative lifestyle requests. The one 40yr old non-smoking, non-drinking lesbian that was looking for love & friendship must have found it because she hasn't been around for a while.

Let's take a look at some of the more interesting adds running this week...

47-YEAR-OLD MALE SEEKS Girl-friend, live-in 19+, responsible. I am a home owner.
I pity the down on her luck girl who responds to this add. She should have known she was going to wind up chained in the basement as part of his 'collection'. Also note the age difference, typical of a M seeking F add.

FOOT WORSHIPER! LOOKING for girl who likes foot worship, likes her feet pampered and tickled. 18-40. Must have really pretty feet. I love women's feet.
Think this guy is into feet? No questioning his motives here, this fellow sure knows how to drive a point home. 19% of the M seeking F adds are for foot worshipers. I have a friend who's into feet. Sometimes I send him pictures of mine in my heels. I figure I can't hold his foot fetish against him loving shoes as much as I do.

I AM AN attractive SWM, 46, seeking a Couple for hot adult fun who are horny and love sex. I also love sex and I also am horny.
Dude, really? You also are redundant.

27-YEAR-OLD SHM, 5'7", 172 lbs, black/brown, medium build, smoker, social drinker, looking for someone nice, respectful.
This one looks innocent enough until you get to that one word - respectful. It would be one thing if he were in his fifties, but this guy is only 27. Plus, to me showing others respect comes naturally. (Unless you act like an asshole then I'll definitely treat you like one.) So I can't help but see that and think this guy might be prone to slapping girls around a little, you know, should they step out of line.

VERY DOMINANT BIWM, CD, ISO extremely submissive Female who is into role-play, spankings, bondage.
I like a good spanking as much as the next girl, but really, if you want to get dressed up like a woman, tie me up, and dominate me while I cower I have to wonder what kind of job your mother did on you. Not that I'm judging.

SWF, 24, LOOKING for Male, any age, race, looking to have a good time. If that's you and you like to be spontaneous and generous, please respond.
Now I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger..... Wait, yes I am.

and our honorable mention goes to:

HEY YOU! YOU with the dreams still alive. DWPM, 55, 5'9", 145lbs, graying dark hair and mustache. Smoker, reader, film viewer, music lover, dreamer, romantic. looking for smallish Female counterpart.
This one has been running as long as I can remember and every time I see it I can't help but roll my eyes. You sir, are a douche bag. I'm guessing it's the word smallish that's holding you back. How small are we talking here anyway, dwarf small or like midget small?

ABBREVIATIOINS: S-Single D-Divorced WW-Widowed F-Female M-Male B-Black NA-Native American W-White A-Asian H-Hispanic C-Christian J-Jewish G-Gay Bi-Bisexual CD-Cross-dresser TV-Transvestite TS-Transsexual n/s-Nonsmoker n/d-Nondrinker ISO-In Search Of LTR-Long-Term Relationship P-Prefessional TLC-Tender Loving Care H/W/P-Height/Weight Proportionate SOH-Sense of Humor